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Why Italian says 'gentile con' and 'arrabbiato con'

English uses several prepositions for how you treat or feel about someone: you are kind to a friend, angry at a colleague, strict with your children. Italian is much simpler. With adjectives like gentile, arrabbiato, severo and crudele, the person on the receiving end is usually introduced with con.

English speakers tend to translate the preposition word for word. The result is sentences like gentile a mia sorella or arrabbiato a te, which sound wrong to an Italian ear. Once you link these adjectives to con, the problem disappears.

Word list
buonomA1 good buono con = good to, kind to amichevoleA2 friendly amichevole con = friendly to arrabbiatomA2 angry arrabbiato con = angry at gentileA2 kind gentile con = kind to poco amichevoleA2 unfriendly poco amichevole con = unfriendly to affettuosomB1 fond affettuoso con = affectionate with cattivomB1 evil cattivo con = mean to, nasty to corteseB1 polite cortese con = courteous to crudeleB1 cruel crudele con = cruel to educatomB1 polite educato con = polite to furiosomB1 angry furioso con = furious with generosomB1 generous generoso con = generous to maleducatomB1 rude maleducato con = rude to onestomB1 honest onesto con = honest with pazienteB1 patient paziente con = patient with rigidomB1 strict rigido con = strict with rigorosomB1 strict rigoroso con = strict with scorteseB1 rude scortese con = rude to severomB1 strict severo con = strict with sinceromB1 honest sincero con = honest with violentomB1 violent violento con = violent toward aggressivomB2 aggressive aggressivo con = aggressive toward arroganteB2 arrogant arrogante con = arrogant toward comprensivomB2 supportive comprensivo con = understanding with disonestomB2 dishonest disonesto con = dishonest with disponibileB2 helpful disponibile con = helpful to impazienteB2 impatient impaziente con = impatient with infuriatomB2 angry infuriato con = furious with lealeB2 faithful leale con = loyal to rudeB2 rude rude con = rude to, rough with solidaleB2 supportive solidale con = supportive of, in solidarity with servizievoleC1 helpful servizievole con = obliging to
How it works

The pattern is: essere + adjective + con + person. Think of con here as meaning in your dealings with someone, rather than simply together with them. Whatever English says (to, at, with, toward), Italian reaches for con when the adjective describes an attitude or behavior aimed at a person.

The rule of thumb: if you can ask how is this person behaving toward someone, the answer usually takes con. Con also combines with pronouns in the normal way: con me, con te, con lui, con noi.

Perché sei così arrabbiato con me?
(Why are you so angry at me?)
Sii gentile con tua sorella.
(Be kind to your sister.)
The words
Being hard on someone

Severo and crudele describe harsh treatment. English switches between strict with and cruel to, but Italian uses con for both.

Il professore è molto severo con gli studenti.
(The teacher is very strict with the students.)
Non essere crudele con gli animali.
(Don't be cruel to animals.)
Being good to someone

Besides gentile, the adjectives paziente, generoso and affettuoso follow the same pattern.

Devi essere paziente con i bambini piccoli.
(You have to be patient with small children.)
Mia nonna è sempre generosa con i nipoti.
(My grandmother is always generous to her grandchildren.)
Il nostro cane è molto affettuoso con tutti.
(Our dog is very affectionate with everyone.)
Manners and honesty

Educato, maleducato and onesto describe how you speak to and deal with people. Here too the person comes after con.

Luca è sempre educato con i clienti.
(Luca is always polite to the customers.)
Il cameriere è stato maleducato con noi.
(The waiter was rude to us.)
Sii onesto con me: ti piace davvero?
(Be honest with me: do you really like it?)
Watch out
The person versus the reason

With arrabbiato, con introduces the person you are angry at. The reason for your anger usually takes per. The same goes for stronger words such as furioso and infuriato.

Sono arrabbiato con Marco per il ritardo.
(I'm angry with Marco because he was late.)
Con is common, not compulsory

In more formal or written Italian you will also see verso or nei confronti di, as in gentile verso di me or crudele nei confronti dei prigionieri. These are correct, just less everyday. What you should avoid is a, the literal translation of to.

Kind of you

When you are commenting on a single kind act rather than someone's behavior toward a person, Italian uses da parte + possessive.

È stato molto gentile da parte tua.
(That was very kind of you.)
Summary

When an adjective describes how someone behaves or feels toward a person, such as kind, angry, strict, cruel, patient, generous, polite, rude, honest or affectionate, put con before that person, whatever preposition English uses. Never use a. Keep per for the reason, as in arrabbiato con lei per la bugia. Remember that verso and nei confronti di are more formal alternatives.